Reflections on 2010/11

I was about to start writing this blog then I got some hunger pangs and decided to have some Nutella on toast.

So now I'm eating Nutella on toast while typing this blog to you. It's good. I bet you want some now. I'll give you five minutes to go make some. Now go.....

Usually people who post blogs about the old/new year are all "I had a shitty fucking year so here's my resolutions for 2011". I am one of those people who stopped making Resolutions a long time ago. They were never realistic enough for me to even attempt to complete them and a friend once said, why wait for the new year to start something? Do it now, this very minute. That was on some idle Tuesday afternoon in the middle of the year.

So really, while the start of a new year gives you a good timing point to start something, with the new year in tow, if you really wanted to do it, you'd be doing it already. Ironically, I will be starting a project myself come 12:01 on January 1st. More about that in a moment.

To be honest, 2010 has been an alright year for me. I've had some mainly financial difficulties but I've gotten through it and I'm surviving, just about. I turned 21 in 2010 which to be honest, feels no different than being 18 but I did manage to complete quite a few of the things on my 21 list, not all of them on time of course and I'm still trying for the ones not ticked off. I've lost some friends along the way and made some new ones too and so all in all, like every blooming year, it's sometimes shitty and sometimes not.

Also, I know my blogging has been particularly shit this year but I have a life, I'm 21, remember. No, I'm kidding. I do intend to keep blogging through the new year and while my "i want to start a new blog" itch has resurfaced I can't be arsed to think up a new name or redesign for the layout and so I'm just going to stick it out on here. Of course, I don't have a frequent posting schedule and probably still won't because, this is my last semester before I graduate and that means its Dissertation time. I do hope to post more Future Husband letters which I have seemingly failed to keep up with.

One of the things that is scaring me the most about 2011 is the fact that I graduate. I have spent a lot of time recently looking into Postgraduate study and considering doing a Masters before the fees properly rise/the world ends in 2012. Yes, I'm joking about the world ending, what a load of bollocks. I just hope that I am able to make it through this semester without killing somebody, or throwing a computer out the window. I have been sitting the past few days doing coursework and attempting a bit of revision but I just am not feeling the whole study-mode. I think it's cause I'm at home and when I'm back here It's like a holiday for me cause I don't live here permanently anymore.

Anyway, as well as graduation in 2011, I don't really know what else to be expecting. Of course I have entered into a new relationship of the romantic-type variety and I'm hoping that keeps blossoming into something nice. I also hope to keep my friends alongside me so that when my dissertation is going horrible, I can be all FUCKING DISSERTATIONS, HALP. That's all I really need them for. Yes, I'm kidding again. I love my friends to pieces. Also, my family, who provide a warm, food-filled house and bed at the weekends. As well as some quality entertainment when they learn waxing and decided to do it on each other. It's a female household, what can I say. I also love my cats who have been teh inspiration behind many a blog this year when my brain was lacking fuel of any other kind. I also, sadly lost one of them this year in the throws of an angry dog. While that wasn't a very fun time, she was a very old cat and while she didn't die peacefully, she is at least in peace now.

Moving on, I do have several projects lined up this year alongside a disseration, graduation and general life-figuring outness because well, I'm insane pretty much. Basically, they involve me doing things either once per day, or once per month and are things I've been thinking about doing either since last year or since I discovered my love of them and now I've finally decided, what the hell, why not. I can't promise I'll be any good at it, or even keep the momentum going but I'm sure as hell going to try.

Anyway, I've kept you in suspense long enough. So I am going to tell you only about one of them for today.

I have decided to participate in project365. Project 365 is basically a photography project where you take a photo for every single day of the year. I have a camera that hasn't seen much use and I have always been interested in photography and want to attempt to make use of the camera much more and hopefully I will learn new things by doing so. This kinda stemmed from a conversation with my father nonetheless who when we were talking about how there are no jobs and I've no idea what I'm going to do when I gradute, he reminded me of my old love for the old photo taking/poserness and said if I tried hard enough I could probably easily find something to do with that as a back-up plan. So Project 365 is kind of a way for me to take a handle on that side of things as well as document my life for a year, and an important year it will be nonetheless.

I have already started a profile on flickr featuring some of my old photos that I thought were in some way half decent and will upload more there throughout the year as well as one my project365 profile. Both of which you can find here and here. There is nothing on the 365 profile yet as it's not yet January 1st and I haven't taken any.

I am not going to tell you about my other project just yet because it depends on certain circumstances which are currently out of my hands but may be fixed within the next few days. I will keep you informed, of course.

So anyway, I wanted to post this blog to inform you that you can find me in other places on the interwebs this year, as well as facebook and twitter, or you can email me at samiandthecity@gmail.com.

Also, I failed at wishing you a Happy Christmas - I hope Santa was good to you - he was certainly good to me. So instead, I am here to wish you A Very Happy New Year. And I'll see you on the other side of midnight.

Love as always,
Sami
xo

On Writing and Music.

Hello folks,

I know it's been a while once again since I've posted and this time I don't really have an excuse because I havent been doing much of anything. Though I packed up and moved home for the Christmas break, almost got snowed in, almost fell on my arse at least 100 times and built a snowman. As well as hanging out with friends and seeing them before the holiday period truly begins.

Anyway, It's been at the back of my head all along saying 'BLOG WOMAN BLOG!' so here I am, a bit late in the evening but an update's an update so be happy about it! Moving on, what I want to talk about today is Writing. I'm an avid follower of a lot of people on Youtube, it's an amazing community of people who make music, write books, educate you on the environment and the sexual mating habits of random animals and other interesting things. There's also a whole community there dedicated to making Harry-Potter related music called Wrock which stands for Wizard-Rock. I am a big fan of Harry Potter and like most of the Wrock music but just the other day, one of the big bands called The Ministry of Magic released a new album and posted some of their songs on youtube with videos.

One song has particularly struck a chord with me and I haven't stopped listening to it basically since. If you're interested, click here and go listen! Anyway, this got me thinking about how amazing it is that people were so taken with a book that they wanted to make music about it. Similarly, there is Trock which is Time-lord Rock based on the Doctor Who series, which is also quite good. Listening to all this stuff and being able to relate to it, as a music fan and as a fan of the books made me want to write something amazing so taht one day someone will want to make music based on something I've written.

I mean the Nano Novel I wrote is a bit of a shambles at the minute, I haven't finished it yet but I know where it's going. However my inner editor is absolutely dying to get out and fix everything because as I've been writing it I've been like 'that is so stupid, it needs fixed' and now that the pressure of Nano is gone, I'm having to resist the urge to let the editor out with the red pen.

I know I'll get there eventually, it's just the timing of Christmas right after Nano makes everything twice as hard and twice as insane. But I'm determined to finish the novel before the new year so I have at least you know, 5 days before my exams start to study for them. Ahh flip sakes, the life of a final year student.

The other thing is that sometimes I feel that saying 'I want to be a writer' is a bit gay and then I start questionning myself about it and wondering if that is what I want to be because I don't write everyday and I don't seem to write anything I feel is good enough. You hear all the time that you should write everyday and I seem to be discovering more and more people that write poems or short stories and are amazing at it and I get a little discouraged about it all. I just don't know where it's going to take me, if anywhere and I don't really know what else I would like to do with my life.

Anyway, I mainly wanted to post about the music and writing correlation which seems to have turned into a bit of a rant! Anyway, please feel free to comment on anything and also what the hell should I blog about! I've had blogs for like 3 years and I'm running out of ideas for things :P

Sami
xox

A short story.

Yesterday when I posted the link to my blog on facebook, I wrote "demons and stuff" and the title "the devil of desire" was a bit misleading I guess and a few of you were disappointed, expecting something more exciting. So I decided that I would write a story involving "The devil of desire". This is about a boy whos in school when she appears. So, enjoy.

She was beautiful. I swear she was.

I only caught a glimmer of her, I was too scared to come out from where I was hiding.

I know the irony of that sentence. But beauty can be scary at the best of times.

I am not sure what I expected the devil of desire to be, perhaps the word devil threw me off. When you think devil, you think, pure red body, horns sticking out of the top of their head, ugly face and just not pleasant to be around.

No, not this devil. She was beautiful.

She had long wavy chocolate brown hair that seem to be endless, though I am sure it stopped somewhere. Her eyes were big and bright and a light hazelnut brown. She had a seductive stare. She had a thin, petite and pale figure, but it somehow was beautifully fitting for her. You could trace her neckline and shoulders and her curves with your fingertips so easily. She looked seductive and fragile and yet her presence was so commanding, you couldn't help but stare at her.

Her voice was soft and seductive as if she promised all your sexual desires to come true with her voice. All she had to do was stare and say what she wanted from you and you would do it, you would do it for one night in her bed, with her. She made you want her. She made you want to do her bidding, no matter how evil or heartachingly awful it would be.

She wore a silk green dress with black trimmings that ended just above her knees and drew your attention to her pale white legs and down to her shoes. They were black lace high heels with a hint of the green from her dress. You could imagine her prancing around the bedroom in them, making you watch her as she went about doing what she did best, fulfilling your desires. She had yet to fulfill any of mine, though seeing her before my very own eyes had probably set the wheels in motion. It was her talent, I guess, if you didn't already desire her, to make you do so. I pity the man who attempts to fend her off also, more fool him.

I cannot remember why she appeared that night, I just remember everyone screaming and running and hiding, as if they knew not to meet her gaze, or watch her, or anything. But she had entranced a few of us and I was one of them, she had only appeared for a moment, twirling and dancing her way around the room trying to find what she had came for. A few of my peers tried to stop her but they simply fell at her feet. When she had found her prize, a big, dusty old book, she danced her way to the spot she had appeared from, she twirled around gracefully in her heels, with the book in her hands and spoke,

"I am T'an-mo" she paused, "And you will desire me".

With that, she disppeared, leaving behind a puff of green smoke and a perfume of fresh flowers.

Until tomorrow,
Sami

Italian phrase of the day= Io sonno una bambina = I am a girl.

I can and I will.

So, I know I am bad at this blogging thing, but to be fair, I've been sick for basically two weeks straight which has sucked but I seem to have perked up tonight upon realizing tomorrow I return to normal routine and stuff. I am excited!

Anyway, recently I've been wondering if I've chosen the right University course. As weird as it sounds. I study English and I study it because since I was about 10 and relatively more aware that being a Pony-Rider isn't an actual job, I knew I wanted to write.

It developed more in my early teens when in my emo-depresso stage, I wrote poetry. Seams and seams of pages of poetry. It might not have been happy but it was still a way for me to express my emotions. An emotional release I called it if I remember correctly.

Since my early teens, I haven't written as much. I did achieve 50 000 words for NaNoWriMo one year and wrote a couple of poems stemming from a relationship and a major life change. However, since then I seem to have hit a blockage, a wall of some kind I couldn't seem to get over and I'm sure you all have noticed with my lack of blogging and stuff. All of this made me doubt myself. I attempted NaNoWriMo this past November but I just couldn't muster it.

I felt a little lost, they say to be a writer, you need to write everyday and I was barely writing once a month. That hasn't changed, but my attitude has. I guess by believing that I couldn't write, that I had hit a wall, stemmed my blockage more. It's not just inspiration you need, but motivation and energy and focus.

I can't say I'll ever have all of those at one time and it'll be a miracle if I do. But I don't feel as lost anymore. I've had some kind of epiphany that stemmed from a conversation from an old friend who was needing help deciding what to do. I was giving him advice on what course he should study and amidst my, you can do it, you'll be fine exclamations,I applied this logic to myself.

Sometimes you really should heed your own advice. I know that if I want to be a writer, I might need to actually write a bit more than I have been. But now that I've perked up, that my attitude has changed, that I can see a little bit more clearly, I know in my heart that I can be a writer. That I will be a writer and that's all that matters!

And if you're doubting yourself, then take this advice:

You can and you will!

Let's Play A Game.

I am not going to waste a post introducing myself, from the offset, it's pretty obvious that my name is Sami. So there you have it, I am Sami. The other two details that you need to know are this: I am 20 years old and I am a student at University. Not that you have those important key points, feel free to judge me any way you wish.

Moving on, you'll be suprised that it's currently 2am and I've been designing and setting up this blog for the past four hours. I think it's pretty nifty. Alas though, you ask, why up so late or early? Whichever way you like to see it. The answer to that question my friends, is this, I am a student and thus, last night instead of going to bed, I sat up all night with three of my good friends (two of which I live with) playing icebreakers such as 'Jimmy Whoops', 'The Triangle Game' and 'The Picnic Game'. I don't know if they are actually named that, but that's the names I have given them, so they'll do. I can't tell you how to play the first two unless I'm standing infront of you but I can definitely play the Picnic Game with you.

Since they are called icebreaker's and that they are meant to break the ice, I think starting this blog with one is rather appropriate. So, here are the rules of the game:
1. The aim is to figure it out yourself.
2. If you do figure it out, don't let anybody else know the answer because they'll kick themselves when they get it and that is technically the whole point of the game.

So, let's play.

I am going to a picnic and I'm bringing Strawberries, what are you bringing?