Future Husband Series; Letter 2

Dear Future Husband,

Sorry it's taken me so long to write again, I just seem to lose track of time and days and weeks and I've no idea what's going on. Currently, I'm trying to find a job so I can pay my rent which I owe from last month and I've got a month to find the money. I've a feeling it's not going to be very fun, or even happen.

So forgive me for not feeling so up to writing to you, I don't want to bother you with my current worries. You and I will have plenty of other things to worry about, rent will be one of them I think. But so will other bills and so will having fun and keeping the spark alive, let's do that, okay?

Maybe get a bottle of wine on the go, to help us along the way though. I don't really know what to tell you now. I've given you a physical description. Maybe I should tell you more about me and how I work which I am not sure I even know, but I'll try.

I am a human being. I am complicated, complex, confusing and I contradict myself all the time. I like sleep, yet I am often an insomniac. Don't worry, I'll figure out a way to let you sleep while I lie awake. I don't want to get married, yet here I am writing letters to you and calling you 'husband'. I'm not sure I want kids either, but apparantley that'll grow out of me eventually.

As for complicated, aren't all women? We get moody and annoyed and easily upset over the silliest things. I know it's annoying to you, but what can you do other than detail with it/us.

Apart from all of those things, I am cool. Definitely cool :P. I read lots of books and sometimes attempt to write them as well as some poetry and blogs. I also spend lots of time online chatting to my friends and stalking people on facebook, or playing farmville and a whole host of other fbook games, haha. I also drink lots of tea and stalk around looking for the best cupcakes in n.ireland. I swear if being a cupcake reviewer was a job, id do it. (Anyone care to pay me to do that plz?!)

Hmm, what else? I volunteer during the summer, helping with a summer scheme that takes kids out on trips everyday. I used to be one of the kids so to help out the next generation is kinda nice :). As well as that, Im spending my summer trying to find a job which sucks since the level of unemployment is so high. Rawrr. Other than that, Im spending time with friends and stuff and thats about it.

So, I'm not really sure what's next for us. But I promise it'll be sooner than this one came.
Love always,
Future Wife
xoxo

The Book Of Love Is Long and Boring

"There comes a point where you just love someone. Not because they're good, or bad, or anything really. You just love them. It doesn't mean you'll be together forever. It doesn't mean you won't hurt each other. It just means you love them. Sometimes in spite of who they are, and sometimes because of who they are. And you know that they love you, sometimes because of who you are, and sometimes in spite of it."

I'm not going to lecture you on love. I just thought this quote was rather apt for certain people and things atm and I liked it, so I thought I'd share.

I know I promised a future husband letter and trust me, I'm working on it. So for now, you can just mull over my quote, leave a comment and send me abusive msn/facebook msgs to update more often.

Sami
xox

I Wrote This For You.

I know a lot of us have been having a hard time lately. I've been having one too. I've been filling out application forms til my head and hand hurts, I check every single day for an email, for new jobs I can apply for and yet no-one wants to hire me. I feel like Im not good enough and I shouldn't, because I am good and it's the company's loss. It's mine too a little because Im the one trying to pay rent at the end of the month but still.

Im not going to tell you that everything's going to be alright because let's face it, it probably isn't. You've got to struggle and climb and pull yourself up that mountain and sometimes the grass is browner on the other side. But when you get to the top, for just a moment, you feel good, you've made it this far. And you'll be happy for a while and then you'll slip and fall back into the mud down the other side and have to climb back up. As someone once said: Why do we fall? So we can learn to get back up again.

So even though I'm being rejected time and time again by these companies, I keep trying because someone along the way will say "Yes, her, she's exactly what Im looking for." Someone will want me to work for them, someone will believe in me and my abilities. And those who dont, well nothing I can do about it.

As well as being rejected by employers, I have some stupid girl stuff going on in my head which is never fun. But I'm talking to my friends and they are awesome at telling me to wise up or giving me advice when I need it. So this is for them.

This is for all of you who are going through a rough time. You'll reach the top eventually and when you do, it will all have been worth it and when you start tumbling again, you know you've made it through once, you can do it again. Life is unfair, but you get what you're given and you learn to deal with it. And at the end of the day, "all you can hope for is the love you've felt to equal the pain you've gone through"* and hope that it's enough.

And if that doesn't make you feel better, then This certainly will.


*Quote from an Editor's song.
**I'll have a future husband letter on tues/wed for you
***Thanks for all the comments on the last post. Please keep them coming :)

Future Husband Series; Letter 1.

So recently, I've been reading round some blogs tryna up my blogosphere-presence by commenting and stuff and I discovered PeterDeWolf via one of my favourite blogggers, Hope Dies Last. In Peter's blog he likes to write poetry and letters to his future wife which can both be beautiful and heart-warming or sexy and steamy!

The discovery of his future-wife-letters timed with the arrival of one-very-sexy-australian named John James entrance into the uks ultimate reality tv show, Big Brother 11 and his talks about what he does and doesn't like in bed and other places, have lead me to believe that he is my future husband. So I decided, until BB11 ends and to give me something to write about, I'm going to run a future-husband series of blogs where I will write letters to future-husband and I may even get some of my friends to guest-blog some letters for hilarity's sake. So, lo and behold, Future-Husband Letter 1 is included with this entry.

Also, as a side note, if you're reading this blog, can you comment? Really, it gives me more incentive to write more because I know you're commenting and reading and wanting more. So, please comment. Even if it just says "Okay Sami", just write that if you cant be constructive, please? Thank you. Moving On.

Dear Future Husband,

I am Sami. I am your future wife, just thought I'd introduce myself. Im sure you'll learn a lot about me from these letters anyway.

I guess since we haven't met yet, I should give a physical description.

I'm a brunette technically. But after going through some gothic-emo stage in my life, my hairs a bit worse for wear, not that you'll mind as you run your fingers through it gently, which I hope you will, cause I like that.

And let's be honest, my boobs are a bit of a handful. But you can handle it, so don't worry about that. And my booty. It's a bit like beyonce's. Well maybe a bit smaller and not as toned. But booty and boobs, thank my mother for those genes if you will.

Also, I'm quite short. I reach a mighty 5'5ish. But I like being small. Good things come in small packages, most of the time.

I've got good legs for being short. I inherited those from my mother too. Shes cool, she'll like you, I hope.

I've got 2 tattoos also, a result of my time at Uni. One is on my inner right leg, it's a small butterfly, with two pink flowers. I decided that the butterfly is me and the flowers represent family and friends. Some people say the placement is unusual, I like to believe its intimate.

My other tattoo is on my lower back, it's a butterfly with cherry blossoms. I like it. It doesn't really have meaning yet. Can you tell I like butterflies?

Well, kind of. I like that butterflies are beautiful, that they grow from caterpillar, into a cocoon where they immerse unique and gorgeous into their freedom and independence. It's kind of like the transition from young girl into young woman. Our knowledge and experiences help us form our older, more beautiful selves.

I wear butterflies round my neck as a necklace too. Im currently wearing a small silver one my mother bought me. I also have a swarovski crystal butterfly that changes colour with the reflection of the light, i did wear that for a while but im saving it for my birthday now.

I also only wear one ring at the moment, on my middle left-hand finger. It's small, white gold, with silver and sapphire diamonds. I like small and dainty things (thats a hint for you dear, a small and dainty ring will go over way better than a huge rock ;)).

Im not going to lie either, I am not skinny. I would actually be what we know as an average woman depending on how much you buy into the skinny-girls thing. But I hope you like curves. It's way sexier to be able to outline the curve of a woman's body than have a stick thin straight up and down woman (no offence to readers there).

One of my favourite features is my eyes. They are a coffee-bean brown and though they hide behind glasses half the time and are quite small (and i look a bit chinese on occasion) they are still nice to stare back into. I believe eyes are the windows to the soul, so it will take me a while to be able to stare at you completely. Don't be offended by that, it just takes a lot of strength to be able to stare at someone so seriously, to look deep into their eyes and further into their soul.

My neck, as far as necks go, is pretty normal. But if you want to lay some sweet kisses on it, I would thoroughly enjoy it. And you will too, when you learn how to work it, work me.

So there you go future-husband, a small snippet of me and plenty more to come.
Love always,
Future Wife.

Love Cats, Hate Insomnia

So you think any normal 20 year old during her summer, would you know have a job, work some days and then go out on her nights off and stumble home drunk at 2am and crawl into bed and sleep it off before working again and the routine goes on and on.

Well, I am not a normal 20 year old. I don't have a job, though I am trying my hardest to get myself one and since I dont really have the money to go out night after night, I spend my nights lying awake til 4am because I cant sleep due to some darn reason or another.

Then when I finally get to sleep, I have weird dreams. So late last night, I was tryna sleep and my cat Twix decided to amuse me so I decided to compile a list of reasons a) why i love cats and b) why I hate Insomnia. So here we go.

Why I Love Cats
1. Because they are soft and cuddly and cute.
2. Because they are highly amusing when you are eating crisps and they paw at it and knock it out of your hand.
3. Then when they eat the crisp they proceed to lick their lips 100 times over because of the flavour.
4. In your attempt to try and sleep, you get yourself a glass of milk, your cat then tries to drink it at the same time as you and fails. So then decides she'll dip her paw in and drink it that way. Then when you finish your glass, she dips her paws in and basically washes the dish clean.
5. When they nudge your nose with their nose, it's like a wee cat-kiss.
6. They always know when you feel sad and will come and cuddle you.
7. When they do that funny meow when they are sitting on the windowledge and they see birds they want to catch.
8. When they are so attached to you that they follow you about the house as you go to make tea, or use the bathroom and back again.
9. When you scratch behind their ears and their back leg goes as if they are scratching it themselves.
10. When you are lifting them to put them outside and they clung on to you for dear life like "nooo don't put me outside!".

Why I Hate Insomnia.
1. Because lying awake at night when everyone else is asleep is highly boring.
2. Since you dont get to sleep until some ungodly hour, you sleep until some late hour of the day and then it's too late to be bothered to do anything.
3. It royally fucks up your eating pattern too.
4. Because there are only so many times you can play farmville, petville, read facebook or listen to your ipod before you go insane.
5. Because everyone thinks you're lazy because you sleep all day, but really it's because you can't sleep at night!
6. Unless you know other insomniacs, you have no one to talk to so you just lie in bed, awake, thinking of all the things you dont want to think about.
7. When your friends try to contact you at like 9am to go into town but your like "I just got to sleep dont disturb me!!!!" and then they're all like "Jesus, whats up your arse?" haha.
8. Because its just generally shit.
9. Because when you do eventually get to sleep, you have the weirdest dreams that don't make sense and wake up confused.
10. Because when someone asks what you've been up to all day and you say "Sleepin lolz" they're like "You're so lazy, get yourself a life!!". I have oneee, it just involves being awake at ungodly hours of the night, maybe you should try it sometime!

So there you go. 10 reasons why I love cats and hate insomnia, because I've nothing better to blog about right now. Sigh.

p.s. Since I was talking about cats, thought I'd give a shout-out to this lovely tumblr blog: Cute Boys With Cats.

I am trying to be truthful.

I know this blog goes through more design changes than actual blog posts. But this time I'm finally happy with how it looks. It's a bit of return to form for me, the blog looks similar to my first one, Sami and the City, the colour scheme is almost identical but the banner is different. I like my crayon-banner. It's cute.

So now that the blog has returned to form, the posts hopefully will too. You see, for a long time, I've gone through blog after blog, trying to fit myself back into the blogosphere, in a comfortable position. But I realised, there was nothing wrong with the way I was before, it was just that the people reading it at the time had problems with my posts, which is understandable but we've gone past that now and resolved our issues, well some of us anyway.

And so, I'm not letting it stop me anymore. I enjoyed writing in my sex-and-the-city inspired way and since the second SATC movie has just been released and it's amazingly awesome, I feel that It's time for me too, to return to form. So from here on, I'm in for the long haul. It might be emotional and problematic as life always is, but you'll just have to bare with me.

I also must admit, since it's now summer, I'm more likely to whinge about how life is boringly shit, because I've nothing to do. When in reality, I'm sure there are at least 21 (see what I did there!) things I should/could be doing. Well, I think I've compeleted 6, the update post said 5, but since then I got another tattoo, so that totals me at 6. Yay me. I've also now read 13 books and I'm still going. My friend got me started on a series of 15, so that'll be fun haha.

So yes, return to form, long haul, 21 things to do between now and September. Whinging, emotional, problematic. Isn't blogging supposed to be a place for you to put your feelings and ideas and thoughts and opinions? Yes, it really is. So if you don't like it, then don't read it. Hit the X in the corner. I'm fed up having to bite my tongue on this page, it's my page, my thing, I am writer and I'll be damned if I don't write. This blog is a start for that. If I am honest with myself, I can be honest with you guys and thus, the world is a better place.

So, to start us off on the right track. Tell me one honest fact about yourself that I don't already know and it must be something worth telling, not like your name or age or where you live. Something I'd want to know, something intriguing and interesting. Make me want to get to know you better.

Here's mine:

I have lots of notebooks I never write in because I think they're too pretty to ruin. I also have shoes I buy but have never worn just because they're too pretty not to buy and I haven't had an opporunity to wear them.

That's probably not interesting at all but I really can't think of anything. So if you have a dire need-to-know something then just ask me, I am afterall, trying to be truthful.

One Moment At A Time.

So this entry is kind of a culmination of two previous posts. The one where I talked about the 88 truths of life and how comfort is an addiction. I went back and read those truths the other day and I found another one I enjoy which my friend also pointed out in the comments of that post. And it is this:

You never have to live for more than one moment at a time.

This one has been particularly useful to me the past few weeks as I've had a few ups and downs lately. The 2nd post that this entry relates to is the one where I wrote about being a writer. Or failing at being one. But finally, both of my posts have come to action. I live for moments at a time and I have finally written a poem! Although inspiration seems to strike me best in that state of half-awake-half-asleep but I managed to get it down before the land of nod takes over. It could probably still use a bit of work, but for your um, delight? I've decided to share it here with you. You'll maybe understand the moments part of it when you read it :P

Love me in a moment,
When time shall stand still,
As we gaze,
Deeply,
Longingly,
Lovingly,
Into each others eyes,
The windows of our souls,
As they intertwine,
Like your fingers,
Laced with mine,
As our hearts beat rapidly,
While lips caress,
Skin on skin,
And love fills,
The empty void,
Hidden deep within,
Then the clock [tick tock],
Ticks and it chimes,
As we fall together,
Apart,
You loved me in that moment,
Then you broke my heart.

Until next time,
Sami
:)